Through Words i breathe......

It is not surprising. I bruised my heart again. Fortunately as always I let my words express the pain. Is It Pain? I am a little bedazzled as to what Am I going through. The more I wish to know, the more confusing it becomes. But, I cannot leave it the way it is.

It isn't an earth shattering incident, nor is it a war with my closed ones. The reason is as different as my feelings today unlike many other times. Reality has hit me hard. This is a reason that clicks my mind. Unbiasedly I accept it.

As a human I confess I am the most kind hearted and sensitive in the world of billions of population. I do not claim I have seen the entire world, but yes I have had a glimpse of it that makes me so sure. Do not take my words for granted, but being selfish is the best trait of human nature. Just few days back I used to feel just the contrary but somehow I have managed to reach a conclusion that was indeed harder for me to digest. Alarmingly I have come out of my secure den to come in the light of truth that hurts, still it's there intact. I might talk like a cynic and I don't care. I feel the world is good, but its the people who make it bad. Here I do not refer to our one universal world that comprises of countries, islands, oceans etc. The world connotes individual worlds. Each one of us live in our own worlds. Be it the world of our organisation, school, society, home, glamour, entertainment, gossip, Friends, group and the list never seems to end. We live, we share, we go through ups and downs, form new relationships, break old one's, forgive, forget, fight and love. In our own comfortable worlds we do what we wish to, what we desire. I too, formed my world. I felt I was in a bond not with an individual but a group of strange, funny beautiful people whom I could call my own. There was no enmity, no clashing of ego's, no conflicts. I was sure I was in a right place, with the right people and at the right time. But still kept my fingers crossed so as to protect my world from any omen.I became obese with so much of love and amity around that before I could realise I found my self bonded to each and every one in the group emotionally. I was satisfied that at least my small world existed in this big bad world but little knew how much it would survive.

Politics, lame excuses, small bitter feelings, artificiality, selfishness, lack of understanding, uncompromising nature, ill-feelings, misunderstanding, misconception, for me probably the words will go on and on. All these not so alien enemies when intrude in silently, they make the present as good old memories. Gradually the exit door opens. As selfish humans the people keep opting out for different reasons. Some find there new world, some to support their more closed ones, some just don't care, and some just cant help it. Who suffers? Well, the person who is least selfish suffers greatly. The person who fooled himself, played with his emotions and lived with the misconception that the world he lived in, thought was the best.

Hard. Pretty hard for me to forget. Silly thoughts but that's what I am. I did not fake my emotions, my love. No grudges I had against anybody yesterday nor do I have them today. I could search for no strong reason why the division took place, what makes any world just break into small pieces when evrybody knows time never comes back. One day we all have to move forward in our own life. Why did the feelings became so ignorant, why the silence did not speak, why the individual human hearts did not feel, why misunderstanding prevailed, why people who once shared a beautiful past just let it go, why everyone surrendered quietly, why was there no noise, no protests...maybe selfish motives drowned all kinds of emotions....

I have one answer with me. All of us present on this earth fear something or the other. Be it nature, ghosts, terrorists, supernatural powers, natural calamities, or god. Most importantly we fear the big bad world...we call all the fearful things as bad, horrifying...forgetting what we do to our own small worlds, destroy it. Do we for once fear Our self? Do we once think of others fears in our world? No. And we still live in a hope that something would rescue us from the endless fears of the bigger world...give it a moment and do think about it. Never in life you would take a wrong step if my idea is conveyed to you...clearly....do not leave the room of words without giving it a thought.